This week has been rough. I haven’t been able to focus on anything long enough to follow through. I’ve got ideas for other stories, but they in my head and not down on the page. I have thoughts about recent events in publishing, but I can’t make them coherent. It’s not for the lack of desire, but the lack of energy. And I just recognized the cause. I’m pulling out of a depression that I was aware of, but didn’t realize how deep it went.
It’s not like I haven’t had reasons to be depressed recently – loss of my cat, a situation at my day job that will get worse before it gets better, and the day-to-day issues that crop up being a caretaker for someone with mobility issues. My sister’s cat unexpectedly passed away from a kidney infection that went septic. Add on the second full time job that writing a novel is and preparing to travel two two cons within one month, I’m not surprised that I’ve been having issues and feeling overwhelmed. The little voices in my head demanding to know why I thought I could do this, what makes me think I’ll ever be published, what makes that me think that people would even want to read what I write are growing louder and louder. I’m a failure, always have been, always will be.
Now it’s time to make those voices shut up.
Here’s where I stand as far as my novels. The fanfic-with-serial-numbers-filed-off needs a lot of work still. Everyone I’ve shown it to agrees. It’s still too close to the source material I drew from. I need to make some changes in characterization, up the threat level of the main conflict, and clean up some issues. In other words, it’s a first draft and it shows. But if I do right, it has the potential to be a series.
The latest urban fantasy novel has gotten some good feedback from people I respect. It needs four scenes rewritten. The first seven thousand words will be workshopped at Convolution for feedback that will be incorporated into a polish draft. Once done, my decision is do I begin querying or hire an editor and cover artist and self-publish. Right now my inclination is to go with my plan of querying for a year. If there are no takers, I will then self-publish. The advantage is that gives me time to get books two and three into shape, and maybe start on book four.
The the ideas for the other stories are a mixed bag consisting of the urban fantasy series, the serial-number series, and a flash fiction. Of all the stories, that is the one I need to get done the fastest, if I haven’t already missed the deadline.
All this I’ve accomplished in the span of three years while holding down a full time job. I may not have a finished work yet, but I am not the failure the voices in my head insistently whisper I am. As I claw my way out of my dark emotions, I remain focused on the fact that I have covered an incredible amount of ground in a short time.